What About Doubt?

I really wish I understood God better.  In moments of quiet contemplation and prayer, I think I know Him and understand what He wants from me.  I know I have experienced His saving grace and an intimacy with Him that goes beyond my own comprehension.  His Spirit leads me and speaks with me and I am thankful.  I am blessed and I know it!

I read His Word often and I’ve come to realize that mankind is greatly restricted in knowledge of eternity and spiritual truth.  I feast on scripture like Psalm 23 as I think about the Lord being my Shepherd and in Him, I have no other need.  That He leads me beside still waters, quiet places and He restores my soul.  I feel confident that I know that God!  

I read about the wonders of the Lord and am lifted up in my heart.  “I will sing of the mercies of the Lord forever;  With my mouth will I make known Your faithfulness to all generations….Your faithfulness You shall establish in the very heavens.” And I worship!

And then, in a moment,  my brokenness stands before me and confronts my faith.  I have thoughts that concern me in my pursuit of holiness… I doubt.  I wonder if I am alone in my experience or if this condition is common to man.  I turn to the Lord and ask for His protection from the evil One.  And I immediately sense His Spirit with me and He gives me relief.  How complex and fickle are our hearts!

I read Psalm 89:46, 47: “How long, Lord?  Will you hide yourself forever?  Will your wrath burn like fire?  Remember how short my time is;  For what futility have You created all the children of men?”  

I am compelled to admit that I am much like the man in the New Testament who addressed Jesus and said, “Lord, I believe!  But help thou my unbelief.!”  Truly, I do believe!  I am totally dependent on God for my future.  I am totally dependent on Jesus to see me through this life.  My many sins were a bright red stain on my life and He forgave me, restored me, and turned my sorrows into joy.  And yet, my mind troubles me and I find the only relief is to go back “home” and say “Papa, help me.”  And I wonder if that is key to our doubts, fears and struggles?  Has the Lord made us so needy that we are destined to be unfulfilled except at home in His Presence?  

Oh, how my heart longs for His Presence.  I am so blessed yet I am needy!  I have hope and joy and yet, I am susceptible to doubt and temptation.  Lord, Jesus… Father, God… Abba, Father,… Papa, be merciful to me and save me!  I long for you as a man dying of thirst longs for water!  “As the deer pants for the streams of water, so my soul pants for you, my God.”

Thus, I find it not only helpful and good, but necessary that I follow the advice of Paul in Galatians 5 when he says to “walk in the Spirit.”  My prayer today is “Papa, God, show my your way today and help me walk in Your Spirit!”  As we “walk” daily with the Lord, when we are so quickly attacked spiritually, our Wonderful Helper, the Holy Spirit is already on the scene and our encounter with darkness and doubt will be brief!